Children and youth of the last few generations have grown up with much greater exposure to technology than their parents did. With this increased connectivity comes increased danger. Predators now have an easy path to access children within their own homes, and this threat isn’t going away. In fact, the threat is increasing quickly. According to a recent article by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC), reports of online crimes against children have more than doubled in the last year.

While the internet can be a powerful tool for creativity, education and connection, parents and caregivers need to understand the risks and help their children navigate this complex landscape safely. Let’s explore the different platforms children and teens can use, common red flags that might signal exploitation and some proven strategies to keep children safe in the digital world. 

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Where Children Are Online: Know the Platforms and the Risks

It’s important to first understand where predators may be accessing children. While many social media and gaming platforms offer privacy settings and parental controls, these safeguards often have workarounds. Parents should be especially aware of online platforms that allow individuals to access chat features without actively playing the game or being part of the platform. Below is a brief overview of some common online spaces where children and youth spend their time and what parents need to know about them:

Facebook and Instagram

Facebook and Instagram are two of the most popular social media platforms today. Both are primarily photo and video sharing platforms that also have private messaging. Instagram has a “Vanish Mode,” which makes private messages disappear after a brief period.

Note: Nothing is truly gone or private online. While these messages “disappear,” someone can easily screenshot or record them using another device. And even if messages vanish on the front end, the app still stores them on the back end.

TikTok and YouTube

TikTok and YouTube are video-sharing platforms that both offer private messaging and livestreaming.

X (formerly known as Twitter)

X is a public and private messaging platform that allows a wide range of content under its zero-censorship policy, meaning almost anything goes. Unlike many platforms that restrict sexually explicit or graphic material, X permits adult content, including explicit images and videos, as long as it is labeled and not classified as illegal. This means youth can be exposed to sexually explicit, violent, or disturbing content even if they are not actively searching for it.

Snapchat

One of the more popular social platforms among Gen Z and Gen Alpha. Snapchat is a photo, video and messaging app best known for its disappearing messages, similar to Instagram’s “Vanish Mode.” Snapchat also includes a feature called Snapmap. This allows users to share their real-time location with anyone they’re connected with, not just friends.

Discord

Discord is a messaging and voice chat platform where users can create servers (essentially chatrooms) and invite others to join public or private group chats. It is commonly used in gaming communities.

Roblox

Roblox is a popular gaming platform specifically targeted towards children that also has a private messaging function. This platform is infamous for being used by predators to make contact with minors. Since 2018, there have been 24 arrests in which Roblox was confirmed as the first contact; however, in 2023 alone, Roblox reported 13.3k cases to the NCMEC.

Fortnite

Fortnite is a popular game specifically targeted toward children that has a voice chat feature. It has a mode called “Fortnite: Delulu” with proximity voice chat that makes a user’s voice sound closer when their character is closer by.

From Fortnite to Sexploitation: How Predator Groom Children Online

Protecting children and youth against exploitation and grooming starts with understanding how a predator might connect with them in the first place. Here is a breakdown of how a predator might entice a child, slowly building trust and convincing the child to listen to them:

Step One: Meet and Befriend

It generally starts innocently. A predator may pretend to be a child or teen around their age or only a few years older. The predator will connect or play games with them and build a friendship. This includes possibly even buying them “loot boxes” and other in-game gifts to build trust and gratitude.

Step Two: Move the Conversation

Once trust is established, a predator will invite the youth to move the conversation to a different platform, like Discord or Snapchat. It may start with a seemingly innocuous invitation. For example, an invite to join their Discord server, where they hang out with friends and voice chat while gaming. This process can last several months. The predator works to deepen the relationship, making it difficult for the child to see any red flags.

Step Three: Gather Information

As the predator spends time with the child, they will subtly gather personal information. They’ll ask casual questions about friends, family, school, where they live, relationships and so on. They may ask questions like, “What time will you be on Fortnite today?” or “When will your parents be home?” under the guise of planning time to game together, when in fact they’re learning the youth’s schedule.

Step Four: Crossing Boundaries

Once a predator has established deep trust and a relationship, they’ve groomed the child into receiving a request for something inappropriate and not thinking anything of it. The child may feel guilty not giving in to these uncomfortable requests for photos or inappropriate messaging because they feel like they owe the person for giving them digital gifts or being there for them as a friend.

Janny Sivilay, the Director of Admissions at Camber Mental Health, explains that the false sense of privacy around direct messaging and “disappearing” messages can make it easier for children to feel okay sending things they know are inappropriate.

“If you’re sending risky stuff like sexting and it’s not actually disappearing, then there’s a huge potential for it to be used in nefarious ways by other people who are not nice people,” explains Sivilay.

Janny Sivilay, LSCSW, LCSW

 

 

 

 

Step Five: Blackmail

If the child ever begins feeling uncomfortable and tries to pull away, the predator now has blackmail to use against them. They may threaten to tell their parents or post the inappropriate images and videos of the child online. This keeps the child trapped in the relationship, feeling like they have no escape.

Online Grooming and Trafficking Red Flags

Many social and gaming platforms feel completely innocent to children and youth. For them, it’s a chance to have some fun and make connections with others their age online. They may not recognize the warning signs of something unhealthy or dangerous. Here are red flags to look for in a child’s behavior that may signal something unsafe happening online, as well as red flags that a person online may be grooming or attempting to exploit a child:

Child Behavior Red Flags

• Excessive online time
• Secrecy: Hiding online activity, refusing to let you see their screen, switching tabs quickly when you’re nearby
• Possessiveness: Not allowing you to see their phone or getting upset when you try to take away their phone
• Mature language outside of their normal vocabulary, especially sexually explicit language
• Emotional Changes: Withdrawn, emotionally volatile or displaying sudden mood swings
• Inappropriate Content: Sexually explicit photos or pornography on their devices

Grooming Red Flags

Intrusive Questions

• Inquiring about age, birth date or living arrangements
• Requesting address or location-sharing
• Asking about parents, school or work details
• Bringing up relationship status or history

Inappropriate Requests

• Demanding sexualized images
• Insisting on meeting in person
• Urging to move the chat to private channels
• Asking for private information, like passwords or credit card numbers

Suspicious Behaviors

• Making comments about their body
• Offering money or gifts
• Minimizing or gaslighting when boundaries are crossed

How to Protect Against Exploitation

The best approach is a proactive approach. Helping children to be more aware online while setting up protective measures to reduce the chances of a predator contacting them. Here are practical ways parents and caregivers can help their children navigate online platforms safely:

Be a Safe Adult: Have a good relationship with your youth and make sure they have safe adults in their life (teachers, therapists, foster parents, etc.) who can model appropriate boundaries and adult-child relationships. This foundation of trust is your first line of defense.

Have Healthy Conversations: When they bring up inappropriate or concerning things to you, respond with curiosity and not judgment. Talk to children and youth about consent, relationships, boundaries and realistic expectations in intimate relationships in a way that is age-appropriate.

Check Settings: When your child or teen starts a new social media or gaming account, set parental controls and privacy settings to the highest security level. Have an open dialogue about why these privacy settings are important. Here are a few additional tips about using parental controls:

• Understand that you ultimately can’t control everything they see and do
• Change PINs and passwords regularly
• Don’t restrict older children with settings meant for younger children
• Research how children might try to bypass the controls

Discuss Safety Rules: Talk about who they can chat with online, how to report inappropriate content and whether online purchases are allowed. Remind them that even with these rules and privacy settings, nothing is truly private online.

Learn the Platform: Be familiar with the platforms they are using by reading about them or asking your child to guide you through their features.

Monitor for Problematic Use: Be alert to signs of unhealthy media habits, like social withdrawal or excessive screen time.

Use Technology-Tracking Apps: Consider using apps to provide more monitoring of your child’s online presence and device usage. Some examples to research include OffenderWatch, Bark, Family Pause, Apple Screen Time and Google Family Link.

Safety Courses: Have your child take courses that promote safe and smart online habits, like Common Sense Education and Be Internet Awesome.

What to Do When Your Child is Exposed to Grooming or Explicit Materials

If you suspect a child in your care is being groomed or exploited, here’s what you can do to get them the help they need and stop the situation in its tracks:

1. Create a Judgment-Free Space

Start from a place of reassurance and support, leading with, “I know this is hard to talk about, but I’m here for you no matter what.” The child’s instinct may be to turn inward and protect their online relationship, so your goal is to be an even more trustworthy person that they can feel safe coming to.

2. Understand What’s Behind the Behavior

Explicit content is sometimes used as a coping mechanism for stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety or curiosity. Focus not on the behavior itself, but on the reasons behind it, asking questions like, “How do you feel when you talk to this person?” or “What makes you want to talk to them after school each day?”

If your child has sent or received explicit content, that may be child pornography. Gently explain to them that this is illegal and talk through what needs to happen next. Don’t blame the child for the explicit content, as this can create shame and make it less likely that they will open up in the future.

3. Keep Evidence, but Legally

Your instinct may be to delete all photos, videos and messages right away. But this may be necessary evidence that can be used against the predator. Seek professional legal help to know what you need to keep as evidence and what you can delete.

4. Seek Professional Help

If your child has been groomed or exploited, they have experienced abuse and trauma that can be difficult to process and understand. A therapist can provide a safe space to help your child work through what they’ve been through and develop skills to protect themselves in the future. Families and caregivers can begin by connecting with their local community mental health center (in Kansas or Missouri) to explore outpatient services and ongoing support in their area.

If your child is struggling with severe mental health difficulties or contemplating suicide as a result of exploitation, they may benefit from support through one of Camber’s residential treatment centers throughout Kansas and Missouri. Camber can serve those who need emergency mental health help in an inpatient setting, with a three-to-five-day stay. Camber is also able to serve those in need of a PRTF (psychiatric residential treatment facility), with a longer stay.  Learn more here or call us at (913) 890-7468 to get started.